“Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation by someone to make you feel like your feelings aren’t your feelings or what you think is happening isn’t really happening,” explains Dr. If something like this has happened to you, you’ve been gaslit.
Now, you’re feeling guilty for ever bringing it up in the first place and you feel like you’ve made a mistake.
“Why are you being so dramatic?”Īnd when you try to argue your perspective, they cut you off again by shutting the conversation down. “Why would you act like that in front of all my friends,” they say. Suddenly, the script has been flipped, and they’re telling you that you ruined the evening because you were moping around all night. That’s when they cut you off by saying you misunderstood what they were trying to say. On the way home, you try to bring up what’s happened by asking what your significant other meant by the comment they made. Of course, this puts a dampener on your evening - after all, why would your significant other say that in your presence? And what does that mean for your own relationship?Īs the night goes on, you get quiet because you’re having anxiety about what’s been said. At some point, your significant other makes a passing comment on how attractive someone else is at the party. This behavior becomes increasingly worrisome the more it happens and it’s very much an example of emotional and mental abuse.įor example, let’s say you and your significant other are at a social gathering with friends. But in truth, gaslighting is a tool used to make the victim second guess how they feel or what they think so the aggressor can get the upper hand. On the surface, gaslighting might first appear as a mere difference in opinion between two parties. Both focus on an abusive husband and his efforts to convince his wife she’s lost her mind. Gaslighting gets its name from the 1938 British play Gas Light and its 1944 film adaptation Gaslight. “You start to question your self-worth, your self-esteem and your own mental capacity.” “The person who’s perpetrating it may or may not know they’re doing it, but for the person it’s being done to, it can feel confusing and very damaging,” says Dr. They may gaslight you by questioning your authority, denying the evidence you have or doing everything they can to make you feel like you’re wrong.
In short, gaslighting happens when someone manipulates you into thinking your version of events didn’t happen the way you say they happened. Psychologist Chivonna Childs, PhD, helps us make sense of gaslighting so you can spot the signs if it happens to you. Plus, gaslighting doesn’t just happen with significant others - it can happen with your family, your friends, your coworkers and even acquaintances. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and mental manipulation that will leave you questioning your own reality and have you wondering if you’re in the wrong in nearly every argument. We do not endorse non-Cleveland Clinic products or services. Advertising on our site helps support our mission. Cleveland Clinic is a non-profit academic medical center.
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